Has Your Child's Other Parent Alienated Your Child From You?
It is, of course, acceptable for parents to teach children their values as part of the overall experience of parenting. It is not acceptable, however, for a parent to deliberately alienate a child from another parent. Doing so is, in essence, a violation of the parent-child relationship.
Specifically, parental alienation typically occurs when the custodial parent (residential parent) undermines the child's perspective toward the parent who is absent most of the time. Alternatively, a parent whose parenting time with the child is in the form of periodic visitation may deliberately counter the residential parent in the child's mind — for example, telling the child that the residential parent is unreasonable in discipline or holds erroneous religious beliefs.
Does a parent who badmouths the other parent really do so intentionally? Examples of parental alienation indoctrination that we have heard about in our New York family law practice include sentiments such as the following:
- "Your father is a bum. He was never a great earner and still contributes almost nothing."
- "Your mother is off her rocker and should not make you go to bed so early on school nights."
- "Your father's new girlfriend is a ______ (pejorative label). I don't know what he sees in her."
- "It's obvious that your mother plays favorites and treats your baby brother or sister much better than she ever treated you."
Although the so-called Parental Alienation Syndrome was discredited by the American Psychological Association as an actual disorder, our clients often tell us of clear cases of brainwashing by one parent against the other.
What we also observe is that children who are put in a position to condemn an absent parent are in fact robbed of their childhood. Such children tend to take on adult characteristics at a young age, and, at the same time, the residential or custodial parent becomes codependent on the child. Children will adjust to fill a vacuum, and may begin to run the home. Siblings may take on parental roles with each other, and in the process every member of the family becomes misaligned and distrustful of each other. Children develop personality disorders, and normal child-parent relationships break down.
Our family law attorneys are often called upon to defend the rights of the parent who is the victim of parental alienation. In some cases, we have brought custody proceedings on behalf of parents whose roles in their children's lives had been violated through a process of parental alienation by the other parent.
We also welcome inquiries from parents who have been wrongly accused of parental alienation. The sooner the situation is brought under control, the less likely it is that a full-blown child custody battle will ensue.
Contact a well-respected New York family law attorney at the law offices of McCormack & Phillips in Rockland County. Other lawyers often refer potential clients to our Nyack law firm, confident in our ability to handle challenging issues such as parental alienation and changes in child custody.
